Sunday, June 20, 2010
Hey, I'm back.
Its been weeks/months that I didn't meet these people. No doubt, I fucking miss them more than they miss me. Grounded sux.
Life has been totally upside down. When it was well planned for future ahead, it went crushed like a piece of garbage. I put aside my all time organizer, and didn't even look back. I guess its dusty already. Fuck it. Fml.
Other than that, I broke off with my going-to-be-two-months boyfriend. Well, we had to. But I'm cool. No tears.
With all these shits came all at once, I have to put up a strong faith in myself. Cos after all, I can't keep depend on my friends. True? I live this shitty life for two weeks now. And I'm enduring it, pretty much getting used to it already.
I did a lot of thinking lately. How much I caused trouble to my closed ones. A sudden grounded leave everyone's mad? Well, some mad at mother. I had to leave Delifrance so sudden, and that colleagues had to work longer hours. How much worst can I feel? And with Mr Aw gave me a job as student instructor for his school, which I'm already comfortable with the kids there, I had to stop so sudden when I already agreed to it.
What got me thinking most is, Am I a good section leader? I feel so much useless in myself. cos whatever I did doesn't seem right. I had to back out for july's competition, so sudden. And that got me a nag from Lim. The least I could ask from him is to understand, but he didn't. Fuck it. I feel real bad to leave band, cos its like I left my responsibility hanging. I guess what Lim said was true, 'What kind of section leader are you uh?'
With all these responsibilities I have on my shoulders, I had to like shoved it off. The feel of guiltiness forever lingers. Maybe I'll die with it. :'(
Okay, I've let out almost what I've been thinking and felt. More will come, it never stops. Never.
I want apologise to everyone, whom got affected with the shits I went through now. Usually, I'll lose friends if shit happens. So, you guys may choose not to be friends with me after this. Heh -_-Really I am, sorry.
One thing I kept in mind, things will get better.
Have faith in yourself, haniz.